It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
