my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
