Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
how does that bad decision feel?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
