Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
