god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We are all done wearing pants today
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
