i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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