Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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