I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
