there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
