if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
