ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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