to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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