That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
