where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
