help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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