two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
