It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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