I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
