My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
