my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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