the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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