We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
