Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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