very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
