also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Mom said you looked used
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
