...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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