Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
