apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
