well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
