dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
