I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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