the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
