apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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