She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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