How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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