everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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