I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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