margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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