My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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