I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
