I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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