I want to stick my p in your. b.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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