Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize