Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
