hotel room ftw
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
