I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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