I'm gonna have a badass scar
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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