i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
