If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize