put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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