I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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