I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
