my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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