i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
