I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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