I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
did i just pee glitter
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