Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
