every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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