I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
