When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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