How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
