Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
ttyl tear gas
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
