mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
