I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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