I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
