he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
