no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
