I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
