Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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