I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
