I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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