My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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