I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
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There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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